The Year In Review

As the year 2019 comes to a close let me review of how it went for me...

January- The year started off as any other year in the last few, nothing notable comes to mind.

February- It started with my mother falling, cracking a rib which turned into a punctured lung, emergency trauma surgery, a 10 day stay in ICU, and eventually a move to a rehab facility.

March- Mom home for a short stint before another fall and a repeat of February. This time after the second surgery she refused to eat and drink for several days and we thought we were going to lose her. My daughter visited at the end of the month and things started to look better.

April- Mom moved to a rehab facility again, was weak from the two surgeries and did not respond to rehab, needed 24 hour care in the home along with being oxygen dependent.

May- Rehab stopped and her insurance would not cover in-home care, but would cover long-term care in a nursing facility. I started to explore moving to Colorado.

June- Finished 8 years at Coventry Public Schools, started to clean out my mother's house and made the decision to move west.

July- Bought a new used car, finished up at The Tobacco Shop, and took a 4 day drive to Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Everything I owned was backed into the car.

August- Unemployed and living in a strange city, but near my daughter once again, but away from my son.  Relationship with daughter was rough and second guessing my move.

September- Finally found employment, and relationship with daughter improving.

October- Maeve had to put her horse down and then 10 days later her dog, was heartbroken for and with her.

November- Maeve finds handsome young gelding and starts to heal, relationship with her getting much better.

December- Two weeks before the holidays was informed that my job was being eliminated at the end of the month. Panic starts to creep in...found new position and with a raise three days after Christmas.

Here is to a less turbulent 2020...

Colorado: The Land of the Directional Impaired

As I get my bearings in the area, I have become aware that the locals around here do not know or use cardinal directions correctly, or at least how I was educated with them.

Let me demonstrate some examples:

• If you go "up valley" you actually have to travel south...now most maps are laid out with north being the top of the chart. The rest of society will tell you that you go up to go north (As in, "I went up north this weekend."), not up traveling south to your destination. Everyone here will quickly remind you it is an "elevation thing." But if you are south of Aspen and have to go down in elevation are you going up or down?
• The "South Canyon" is located to the northwest of West Glenwood Springs. Everything north of the canyon is desolate and very steep, so not that approachable from that direction, so not sure why they call this the "South Canyon"? The other canyon into Glenwood Springs is to the east of South Canyon and is called Glenwood Canyon not "North Canyon."
• In defense of the locals, I will confirm that the Roaring Forks River flows north until the confluence with the Colorado River (which then flows northwest through the South Canyon), while most of the rivers in the northern hemisphere flow south.
• Secondly, I refer to being from "back east," but to get back east I have to travel to the front. You see they call the eastern slope of the Rockies here the "Front Range." I assume the name is from the time of the expansion west. But the majority of the weather here travels west to east, so can we call it a storm "front" if it is coming from the back of the front range? Just asking...

No one gets lost here with their localized aboriginal system of directions, I guess they are preserving an earlier civilizational way of thinking.

Rebuilding Relationships

I love my daughter (and my son).

Many that know me, know how much I love my children. I relocated 2100 miles to be closer to my youngest (the oldest is grown and flown, and trying to do his thing, whatever that may be).

The first few days here were great, we got caught up, we laughed at stupid silly stuff, we enjoyed each other's company. I guess that is starting to come to an end. 

I now seem to be an annoyance, an extra, and even an embarrassment (her words). She wants to be left alone, and not do anything. I get that I am the disruption in her idyllic world here (horse, dogs, rats, snowboarding, friends, etc...), that she has an established routine and day to day. I just want to be part of that, but seems to me that there is not room for me right now.

I also get that she is a thirteen (13) year old girl, in 8th grade, in middle school. Crazy hormonal, emotional, and developmental rush for people her age, just trying to figure it all out. I am sure there are many pop psychology books (all backed by "science") and websites out there to show guidance through all this teen angst, both for her and me.

It is just bothersome that I feel like an outsider. That I can't find the door, let alone have the key to her world right now. I know I know, it give time, as she needs to adjust and get used to the idea that her father is now a part of her everyday life again, instead of just a FaceTime chat when both of us are conveniently available.

Has too much time passed, being separated by a distance, that we have lost something in our father/daughter relationship? Can it be regained or repaired or something new developed? How does one (me) go about it? Do I back off, do I push forward? She has her expectations, but I also have mine.

I will love her and support her, no matter who she has become or will become...LOve you Goose!

I Am Not That Smart

I was recently told, that just because I have a education that I think I am smarter than everyone else...WRONG!

I know that I not smarter than anyone else, but I am educated.

Let me explain...

My educational background is in engineering and the sciences. That academia has taught me to use inquiry, to do my own research, observe, to critically think, to conclude based on evidence and facts, the use of logic (not philosophical, but more binary based...yes/no, on/off, true/false), test limits and thresholds, to understand failure, adapt, and except criticism (this is the hardest one). This indoctrination has maybe made me sound dogmatic, but that is also wrong.

There are many that do not have an education that are way smarter than me. I have very little musical talent (or any kind of talent for that matter), I struggle with the English language and have never really been able to learn any other language outside a few simple phrases. During my formative years I struggled with many subjects in school and had times staying focused on the task at hand (still do) maybe I was ADD or ADHD? I was labeled dyslexic, because I flipped letters in words (dysgraphia), struggled with recognizing letter sounds, and decoding words. I still struggle with spelling to this day and have learned how to manage that some what. But I have other abilities that some do not, like the ability to visualize things in 3D (while studying chemical engineering my classmates used models to build compounds to help them isomerisms, I just closed my eyes and was able to see if they were cis or trans, and which way the rotated). At the same time I can not watch 3D movies without getting nauseous.

My education also fuels my sarcasm, my sardonic approach, and my cynicism, and this also contributes to my haughtiness. I try to have patience for those that do not process things quickly, but that is not always possible and rarely happens. My education also gets in the way of things, like the acceptance of religion, blind faith, psychology, symbolism, and libertarianism (oops, there is that sardonicism).

So no I am not nor do I think I am smarter than anyone else...

The Couch (Part II)

So I have now done two more session in my conquest to get myself back to a "normal" baseline in my own head. That is twice as many sessions with this counselor as with the first one.

First session with this counselor was basically a repeat of the first visit, a rehashing of everything and I guess that was to be expected. They seem nice, a little bit more clinical than the first one and more of what I stereotypically expected this was going to be.

Second session, cancelled as I pull into the parking lot...

Third session, delving into more of what is throwing me out of alignment. More sharing and how I attempt to manifest it all (which I guess I am doing it all wrong as I am just avoiding the issues instead of confronting them, but really just want them to go away so why would I confront them?). As we talk about "the plan", I mention that I will be leaving for Colorado soon and how will this "plan" work with all that. They look at me and ask that I am not here for medication...I said no. More talking about the plan, but no real solutions yet.

Now thinking back to that question about being there for the medication...WHAT THE FUCK?

Is this what it is all about? Is this what our civilization has developed into? "Better" living through chemistry? And what medication? I currently do not qualify for a medical marijuana card in the State of CT. So what medication?

Also, do I want an RX written by someone with a MSW? I personally have more education than they do, and my education is actually in science and engineering.

Lastly, do I want to wake around snowed all the time? Do I want to be on something that is going to destroy my liver enzymes and eventually my liver? Will this actually solve anything or just cover up symptoms?

This maybe continued...

The Couch

So how fucked up do you have to be to have your therapist cancel twice and then quit altogether on you?

I was hesitant to go in the first place, and now this is not really helping after just one visit. This was supposed to help with the stress, not add to it, or at least that is what I thought how it was supposed to work.

My reticence about going in the first place was, that I would share what was or what I believe was creating the stress (we will talk about this word in a minute) and they would tell me of course anyone with that going on will be anxious. In other words, "normal" (whatever that is) and there was nothing wrong (you are not crazy). BTW, I was correct and that was what was conveyed during the first and only visit so far, but at the same time they said that I need to work on "me." So another appointment was set up, along with a weeks worth of homework.

Homework completed (yep I am that guy). Appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, notified that counselor no longer can see me.

I liked the person I was seeing, I felt we had connected. I shared, we talked, I asked questions (a...lot...of...questions), they answered. I liked most of their responses. It was pointed out that I would be a challenge because they thought I was very intelligent and that I approached everything from a logical point of view and expected outcomes and answers every time. I told them my academia background is in science and engineering. That is when they mentioned that I used the word "stress" a lot and while used as a layman's term in psychology, it was more of an engineering term (I am still going to use the term stress, no matter what).

The thing I liked from my session on the couch (actually a chair and not all that comfortable) was I was there for "mental health" not because I was mentally sick, just that I needed to get my brain in a more positive place and reduce the physical effects of the stress.

So I guess I am scheduled to start anew with another therapist, we will see if I can defeat this one.

<I found writing this post therapeutic>

That is very christian of you

"That is very christian of you."

That was what was told me after I helped someone that I had no relationship with, and then it struck me, what a bigoted racist ignorant thing to say.

Only christians help other people? Are you fucking kidding me?

No, it was the human thing to do. It had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with religion, yours or anyone else's. People should just care about each other

Making a statement like that just demonstrates your ingrained ignorance and bias toward others that do not share your secular beliefs.

When you make a statement like that, you are saying anyone that is not a christian has no compassion, no humanity toward anyone else. Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheists, whatever can not do anything for their fellow humans...I call bullshit!

The longer I remain on this planet, the more I become aware that christians are the most hypocritical people on the face of earth. History will inform us easily that christians have been responsible for more deaths on this orb than any other group. 

Please do not tell me that is christian of me, I am much better than that. I have far more empathy, compassion, caring, and humanity. Don't lump me into that sect. Thankfully I am agnostic.

And to those that think I am segregating out the christians and being "biased" against them, I am just speaking the truth...so I forgive you.

  

Immaculate Gestation

This year the immaculate conception will be celebrated on December 8th, in honor of god knocking up the virgin Mary and 16 short days later Jesus was born in the manger. One of a gods' major miracles, but what poor Mary had to go through in just 16 days...regular human gestation normally takes 280 days.

You know what has a gestation period of about 16 days?

Hamsters.

This is my daughter's hamster, Snowball, who passed away last Christmas day

I can not imagine the fatigue, swelling, cramping, nausea, bloating, food aversions and/or cravings, headaches, constipation, and mood swings that happened to Mary in just 16 days...Oh wait, least we forget the baby kicking, pressure on the bladder and other internal organs, flatulence, and back pain. All progressing in a little over two weeks.

Add this on top of being a virgin, and married to a guy, but you haven't consummated the relationship as directed by the good book.

And if this was all an act of a god, why all the obstacles, of having to travel and look for a place and ending up in a stable?

This just boggles my scientific analytical mind...enjoy the season people and keeping thinking and questioning...

#MAGA? F*ck No

So in the last couple of weeks we have had a recall on lettuce that was making people sick, now we have a recall of 5-12 million pounds of ground beef.

How is this happening?

It comes back to the party of no and so-called "fiscal responsibility" and their budget which cut 16% of the USDA budget (from $22.7B to $18B), who needs their food inspected, this just constricts the free market. Now we need to shut down the government to build a wall and government workers will not get a raise because of an "economic crisis."

The food we eat is not getting inspected properly and also all the workers that are willing to work in food production are being deported out of the country because they are scaring the white folks. This is being caused by the massive tax cuts and now the need to slash spending in the budget. And do those cuts come from the over inflated military budget? Fuck no. They come out of the smaller line items like the FDA and USDA, you know the ones help everyday people like you and me. Next, kill EPA clean water bills that protect waters used to irrigate crops and watering livestock.

We just had mid-term elections and were people intelligent enough to vote out this evil cretins, working only for their wallets? Fuck no. Keep believing that it will all trickle down, that everyone can achieve the "American Dream," that immigrants are coming to rob and rape you, take your jobs, steal your tax money...

You don't need healthcare and safety net if you die from food poisoning....Bon appetite!

Prom?

I guess creative, elaborate ways are a thing for asking people to prom (on top of the outrageous expense these days).

I have seen many on social media and a few in person of the way today's youth ask each other to prom. I guess it takes a lot of courage and self confidence to go "crazy" in public in popping the question. You are either going to be embarrassed and humiliated, put the person on the spot and pressure them into maybe responded otherwise, or it works out for everyone...not sure if I could do it.

My marriage proposal was not that extravagant, it was funny and rememberable, but not grandiose. This may explain why I am divorced, I didn't go large enough, and if I am every stupid enough to get married again (I hope I learned my lesson) I guess I have to go bigger next time...

Elderly Care for Beginners

Taking care of aging parents is something that many of us are doing or will be facing very soon. With the rising costs of assisted living and skilled nursing facilities, it is prohibitive to just ship mom or dad off to a facility.

I am currently taking care of parent that is aging and has health issues associated with the elderly. Recently I have had to deal with several situations where quick thinking help was needed and I found myself only slightly prepared. So I think that there should be some kind of class or classes at the local Rec or Community Ctr or as part of the local hospital services that train people advanced first responder knowledge of dealing with the elderly at your home.

I even have a name for the course...."How to Get Mom Off the Floor"

The course will be broken down into various helpful units, some with great medical background and others with sound advice dealing with social areas. The following is a quick list (in no particular order) of some of the units or sub-units that should or need to be included.

• I fallen and can't get up, so what is next...
• Stopping excessive bleeding while on blood thinners
• Pill organization
• Taking the car keys away
• Keeping your patience when answering the same question for 100th time today
• Advocating and getting information out of medical professionals in terms you understand
• Checking vital signs and what to look for.
• Balancing their life with yours and vice versa
• Stain removal
• Remembering all the names of the EMS personnel
• How to make bland tasteless meals that are easy to chew
• Basic lifesaving skills
• How to install safety rails  and other safety measures around the home
• How to initiate a Siver Alert

I am sure there are many other topics that are needed and can be added.

Anyone have an idea if one of these training classes already exist and how I enroll, or is anyone willing to help me get this started...willing to share the credit, let me know.

Russian Collusion

There are some that don't think that Russia has infiltrated America society, whether through the elections, our infrastructure, or even our social media. Me personally knows that it has been done and I have proof.

Working in and out of a middle school, I have notice that the kids are starting to dress with that Russian mafia style. You know, the Adidas track suit with the matching Adidas sneakers. Watch or google any Russian mafia member and they all have the same look.

Some of the kids are even starting to bring the Kangoo hat back, too. If that is not solid evidence that our society has not been hacked by the Russians, I don't know what else you could be looking for.

The collusion is real.

Flying Restrictions

So I just booked a flight to surprise my daughter for her birthday (shhhh, I don't think she reads or follows this blog, but still don't tell). I use one of the many search and purchase sites on the interwebz and they provide great and easy service. This intinerary I will be using two different airlines, but that doesn't matter because they are all the same.

And they are now all out for themselves and have even developed more classes that can be booked for when flying. Used to be just First Class and Cabin, then they added Business Class and called Cabin, Economy. Now they have split Economy into three different levels; Economy, Economy Plus, and Basic Economy. Three different pricing levels and different amenities at each level.

I do not fly First or Business anymore, especially if it is on my dime, there was a time, but not anymore. So I have no idea what is offered for amenities at those levels. 

The three levels and three different prices in the Cabin, have the following as amenities as I understand now...

• Economy Plus- Can have a carry on and personal item, and they supposedly have an inch or two extra leg room, and you get to still choose your seat.
• Economy- Carry on at $25 extra charge and a personal item, no leg room, and you get to chose your seat.
• Basic Economy- No Carry on what so every, even if you pay the extra and a personal item, and you don't get to choose your seat.

Of course in all the cabin, you can pay the checked baggage fees...

I guess customer service in the airlines industry is dead, we are just cattle to be transported.

5th Grade Libertarians

A writing assignment in 5th grade is to write a poem or essay with the following prompt...

"If I was in charge of the world..."

Reading through the works I have concluded most 5th graders are Libertarians (which is not surprising as most Libertarians have a thought process that is on the 5th grade level).

Here are the most common things ( and they seem to fit the Libertarian platform) that the 5th graders would do if they were in charge;

• No Homework
• No Medical Shots
• No Vegetables
• No Taxes

I know...you are trying to make the inference to Libertarianism, so let me help.

Homework is just the government led schools forcing regulation and squashing freedoms on the everyday person. Also Libertarians like low educated people and homework just advances critical thinking and gains of knowledge.

Medical shots once again forcing regulation on the populace.

Vegetables are just taking away their freedom or individual rights violations.

Taxes, well not sure what 5th graders know about taxes, pretty sure this is over heard conversations from their parental units, but we will go with that the government is stealing their parents money and if their parents had more money, they would be allowed to buy more things and everyone knows this is good for the free market.

The other thing I noticed was that none of them would do anything for the less fortunate. Not one said anything about helping society. I think this was the most telling thing that made 5th graders Libertarians. Libertarians are a me first oriented bunch, that as long as they get theirs, no body else matters.

Lets hope some get into those liberal slanted academia institutes and become woke...

Why Do We Like Hot and Cold Food?

You take bite of piping hot pizza and burn the roof of your mouth, or you suck down a frosty milkshake and get 'brain freeze.' (Yes I know heat can burn and cold can freeze.)

Why as humans do we enjoy hot food? Or why do we enjoy cold food?

Now I am not talking about why we cook food, some foods can not be eaten raw or uncooked. And that some foods require a heating process to amalgamate or coagulate into a final food.  Also I am not talking about food safety and that we have to keep certain foods at temperatures for spoilage reasons.  I also understand that some foods are easier to digest in a warm or cold state. I am asking why we like foods hot or cold?

Other species do not heat their dinner to a temperature to enjoy, or chill it as a treat. Is it solely because man has the ability to control and use fire? That we can refrigerate items?

I personally know that we can be temperature sensitive, that hot or cold things can bother an achy tooth.

Why do we like our foods at different temperatures? I am sure there have been studies done, but I want to know what everyone else thinks.

Another Milestone Post

So starts another year, as this blog did a number of years ago...

Since then I have posted 200+ times and the blog has been visited 5000+ times. Not bad for a blog of nonsense and mutterings. People are intrigued by my loosely fact checked opinions and what is going on in my mind. Suckers...

So here is to another year and thanks for the continuing support...

2017/2018 NFL Playoff

As the regular season comes to end and the playoffs start, it is good to see that some things change and some not so much...

On the AFC side, not much has changed since last year, NE, Pittsburg, and my KC Chiefs returning...with the Titans, Bills, and Jaguars finding their way in...should be some good games.

On the other side....wow who would have guessed that there would be no Dallas, no Giants, no Seattle, or Packers in the playoffs...so we have the Eagles, Vikings, Rams, Saints, Atlanta, and Panthers in the playoffs. Once again, who saw that coming?

I don't like predictions, but here goes...

AFC Side
NE- because somewhere and sometime the refs in NY will help them out...

NFC Side
LA Rams- because I don't know who else to pick

Superbowl Champs
NE- no one wants to see NE Fanboys cry and they don't know anything about the game so they just need to answer any question with "6X SuperBowl Champs", besides it is funny listening to them say "Tawm Bwady." And that the NFL loves them....and money.

Now being a Chiefs fan, they have all the tools, especially on the offensive side of the ball, but it is the Chiefs and it is the playoffs...

(BTW- NE did not get Harrison for secrets about the Steelers, they got him for his history against the Chiefs and the need for revenge for the loss earlier this year. Google it and see for yourself.)

Bring on the Biblical Floods

I am by no means a religious man, nothing I have seen has ever convinced that a god exists and has done anything for man. If something ever happens to prove the existence of a god(s), I will reevaluate at the time. But for now I remain a man of science.

But maybe it is time for any god to show its hand and bring back the floods. You know the one, that supposedly cleansed the planet of all sin, yes that one. 

Looking around the world and what is happening currently, now would be the time to eradicate the earth of its sins and sinners. The politicos and their ill regard to people, the surge of sexual predators being exposed, the average man's disrespect for the planet. 

Maybe some are right and we need not heed the climate change, let the seas rise and wash the land of the Gula, Luxuria/Fornicatio, Avaritia, Superbia, Tristitia, Vanagloria, Ira, and Acedia. (And why do they call them the seven deadly sins when there are eight?)

I am sure the world has been this way forever, just now the cesspool has gotten full and the lid has floated off it and we are being exposed to the shit mess we have made. Some maybe enjoying the fertilizer, but to many the smell has become unbearable.

Here is to an appearance of a higher power, now would be the time to prove an existence...

Colorado-isms Part 2

So last year when I travel west to see my daughter I did a blog about the various quirks I noticed of being in a different region and the people that live there. The following is a continuation and update of that first post.

• I meet a lot of people that live there now, but are not from there originally, including a lot of New Englanders
• I was picked out from not being a local for my vernacular and colloquialisms...use of 'wicked', and few other nor'eastern terms.
• I got to have a rare brew to find that is brewed in CT while I was in Colorado.
• My beard is now long enough to be accepted as a local, I know this because of the eye contact and head nod of approval from other bearded humans.
• I still have not seen any big horned sheep.
• The locals panic when they have no snow.
• The country roads in the mountains are scary, they are twisty and turny, narrow, and have no guard rails.
• My beard likes the climate there better, as I needed less to keep it manageable. 
• Buffalo and elk are delicious.

Until next time...

Low Battery

So the other day my cell phone started to lose power more rapidly each day, going through about half of it's life in about 8 hours. It is approaching about 18 months in age so I figured the battery was just getting tired and I may need to think about replacing it.

Yesterday, it went through half of it's charge in about 3 hours and I knew it was a definite sign that it needed to be replaced and soon as I have some travel coming up.

When I got home a quick interwebz search suggested that I check for updates first before replacing the battery. Sure enough a new update was available (released just a week or so prior). Following the instructions, I performed the dreaded software update and switched to a brand new OS for my phone (an Android).

After the upload (or download), I let the phone charge to 100%. Worked a full day and the phone has been off the charger for 10+ hours and I have only used 12% the charge...so for now a replacement does seem necessary.

Now here is my thought...are cell phones becoming sentient? Did it know it needed to be "re-educated?" Or are the manufacturers (and or carriers) pinging our devices to make them run poorly, so that we do the updates? Someone is controlling us....and it is unsettling.

No real issues with the new OS, but trying to get used to the "subtle" changes (improvements according to the developer).