The Year In Review

As the year 2019 comes to a close let me review of how it went for me...

January- The year started off as any other year in the last few, nothing notable comes to mind.

February- It started with my mother falling, cracking a rib which turned into a punctured lung, emergency trauma surgery, a 10 day stay in ICU, and eventually a move to a rehab facility.

March- Mom home for a short stint before another fall and a repeat of February. This time after the second surgery she refused to eat and drink for several days and we thought we were going to lose her. My daughter visited at the end of the month and things started to look better.

April- Mom moved to a rehab facility again, was weak from the two surgeries and did not respond to rehab, needed 24 hour care in the home along with being oxygen dependent.

May- Rehab stopped and her insurance would not cover in-home care, but would cover long-term care in a nursing facility. I started to explore moving to Colorado.

June- Finished 8 years at Coventry Public Schools, started to clean out my mother's house and made the decision to move west.

July- Bought a new used car, finished up at The Tobacco Shop, and took a 4 day drive to Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Everything I owned was backed into the car.

August- Unemployed and living in a strange city, but near my daughter once again, but away from my son.  Relationship with daughter was rough and second guessing my move.

September- Finally found employment, and relationship with daughter improving.

October- Maeve had to put her horse down and then 10 days later her dog, was heartbroken for and with her.

November- Maeve finds handsome young gelding and starts to heal, relationship with her getting much better.

December- Two weeks before the holidays was informed that my job was being eliminated at the end of the month. Panic starts to creep in...found new position and with a raise three days after Christmas.

Here is to a less turbulent 2020...

Cowgirl Up

Yesterday was a terrible day for my daughter. She lost her best companion. She is devastated and truly heart broken. I am at a loss in trying to find ways in making it right for her.

I am amazed at her compassion and grit through all of this. Her love for something and her dedication is way beyond her years. Her ability to make the right decision is a credit to her as a human being.

Her horse broke the cannon bone and had damage in the long pattern bone in the right rear leg. It would have taken numerous surgeries over the next year to repair the fracture, and even then the horse would be unrideable.

When the vets informed her that even after all that could be done and the long rehab, that her horse would still be in pain. My daughter's response was no, no, no, no....and made the decision to euthanize her horse as she could not bear to see the animal she loved in pain.

That is a grownup choice for a 13yo woman.

I know how tough it has been when making similar decisions for the pets in my life. I still can not get to place to share my life with another dog after my last one. There will never be another one like my last golden and I truly miss her every day.

I know my daughter feels the same way right now, but I know that she will eventually find that next great love.

Thank you LaNa for being there for my daughter and always protecting her when the two of you were together in the ring.

Rebuilding Relationships

I love my daughter (and my son).

Many that know me, know how much I love my children. I relocated 2100 miles to be closer to my youngest (the oldest is grown and flown, and trying to do his thing, whatever that may be).

The first few days here were great, we got caught up, we laughed at stupid silly stuff, we enjoyed each other's company. I guess that is starting to come to an end. 

I now seem to be an annoyance, an extra, and even an embarrassment (her words). She wants to be left alone, and not do anything. I get that I am the disruption in her idyllic world here (horse, dogs, rats, snowboarding, friends, etc...), that she has an established routine and day to day. I just want to be part of that, but seems to me that there is not room for me right now.

I also get that she is a thirteen (13) year old girl, in 8th grade, in middle school. Crazy hormonal, emotional, and developmental rush for people her age, just trying to figure it all out. I am sure there are many pop psychology books (all backed by "science") and websites out there to show guidance through all this teen angst, both for her and me.

It is just bothersome that I feel like an outsider. That I can't find the door, let alone have the key to her world right now. I know I know, it give time, as she needs to adjust and get used to the idea that her father is now a part of her everyday life again, instead of just a FaceTime chat when both of us are conveniently available.

Has too much time passed, being separated by a distance, that we have lost something in our father/daughter relationship? Can it be regained or repaired or something new developed? How does one (me) go about it? Do I back off, do I push forward? She has her expectations, but I also have mine.

I will love her and support her, no matter who she has become or will become...LOve you Goose!