The Year In Review

As the year 2019 comes to a close let me review of how it went for me...

January- The year started off as any other year in the last few, nothing notable comes to mind.

February- It started with my mother falling, cracking a rib which turned into a punctured lung, emergency trauma surgery, a 10 day stay in ICU, and eventually a move to a rehab facility.

March- Mom home for a short stint before another fall and a repeat of February. This time after the second surgery she refused to eat and drink for several days and we thought we were going to lose her. My daughter visited at the end of the month and things started to look better.

April- Mom moved to a rehab facility again, was weak from the two surgeries and did not respond to rehab, needed 24 hour care in the home along with being oxygen dependent.

May- Rehab stopped and her insurance would not cover in-home care, but would cover long-term care in a nursing facility. I started to explore moving to Colorado.

June- Finished 8 years at Coventry Public Schools, started to clean out my mother's house and made the decision to move west.

July- Bought a new used car, finished up at The Tobacco Shop, and took a 4 day drive to Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Everything I owned was backed into the car.

August- Unemployed and living in a strange city, but near my daughter once again, but away from my son.  Relationship with daughter was rough and second guessing my move.

September- Finally found employment, and relationship with daughter improving.

October- Maeve had to put her horse down and then 10 days later her dog, was heartbroken for and with her.

November- Maeve finds handsome young gelding and starts to heal, relationship with her getting much better.

December- Two weeks before the holidays was informed that my job was being eliminated at the end of the month. Panic starts to creep in...found new position and with a raise three days after Christmas.

Here is to a less turbulent 2020...

Cowgirl Up

Yesterday was a terrible day for my daughter. She lost her best companion. She is devastated and truly heart broken. I am at a loss in trying to find ways in making it right for her.

I am amazed at her compassion and grit through all of this. Her love for something and her dedication is way beyond her years. Her ability to make the right decision is a credit to her as a human being.

Her horse broke the cannon bone and had damage in the long pattern bone in the right rear leg. It would have taken numerous surgeries over the next year to repair the fracture, and even then the horse would be unrideable.

When the vets informed her that even after all that could be done and the long rehab, that her horse would still be in pain. My daughter's response was no, no, no, no....and made the decision to euthanize her horse as she could not bear to see the animal she loved in pain.

That is a grownup choice for a 13yo woman.

I know how tough it has been when making similar decisions for the pets in my life. I still can not get to place to share my life with another dog after my last one. There will never be another one like my last golden and I truly miss her every day.

I know my daughter feels the same way right now, but I know that she will eventually find that next great love.

Thank you LaNa for being there for my daughter and always protecting her when the two of you were together in the ring.

Rebuilding Relationships

I love my daughter (and my son).

Many that know me, know how much I love my children. I relocated 2100 miles to be closer to my youngest (the oldest is grown and flown, and trying to do his thing, whatever that may be).

The first few days here were great, we got caught up, we laughed at stupid silly stuff, we enjoyed each other's company. I guess that is starting to come to an end. 

I now seem to be an annoyance, an extra, and even an embarrassment (her words). She wants to be left alone, and not do anything. I get that I am the disruption in her idyllic world here (horse, dogs, rats, snowboarding, friends, etc...), that she has an established routine and day to day. I just want to be part of that, but seems to me that there is not room for me right now.

I also get that she is a thirteen (13) year old girl, in 8th grade, in middle school. Crazy hormonal, emotional, and developmental rush for people her age, just trying to figure it all out. I am sure there are many pop psychology books (all backed by "science") and websites out there to show guidance through all this teen angst, both for her and me.

It is just bothersome that I feel like an outsider. That I can't find the door, let alone have the key to her world right now. I know I know, it give time, as she needs to adjust and get used to the idea that her father is now a part of her everyday life again, instead of just a FaceTime chat when both of us are conveniently available.

Has too much time passed, being separated by a distance, that we have lost something in our father/daughter relationship? Can it be regained or repaired or something new developed? How does one (me) go about it? Do I back off, do I push forward? She has her expectations, but I also have mine.

I will love her and support her, no matter who she has become or will become...LOve you Goose!

Exit Plan?

So as I get ready to end my CT chapter and start a new one in CO, I am starting to think about what I want to do before I leave.

After much consideration, it is not really doing anything in the state but more about foods. I am aware that there is no good pizza or bagels in Colorado (both from visiting and conversations with The Maeve), both of those are easily taken care of in getting my last few tastes of these two CT delectable treats. The other that keeps coming to my mind is seafood, I know with today's globalization, that seafood is available in CO but it comes with a heavier burden on the wallet. 

As I think about the various seafoods I enjoy (which is just about everything that comes out of the ocean that is edible), most fish ships well, as with lobster and other crustaceans.  I think that the toughest find in CO will be a really fresh raw oyster (Crassosterea Virginicas). 

I have been fortunate to have been exposed to oysters right off the boat from Norm Bloom and the Copps Island area in Norwalk. There is nothing like getting a bushel of them handed to you as a gift for some work done and eating them within 90 minutes from boat to mouth. 

I also am related the Talmadge family which had oystered the LI sound for decades, so I had been introduced and loved oysters for as long as I can remember. 

So I guess an outing or two enjoying some fresh oysters before departing is what I want to do, so who is in? 

Blue points, Ninigret, Pemaquid, Point Judith, Mystics?

BTW, they pair really well with scotch and/or bourbon.

Prom?

I guess creative, elaborate ways are a thing for asking people to prom (on top of the outrageous expense these days).

I have seen many on social media and a few in person of the way today's youth ask each other to prom. I guess it takes a lot of courage and self confidence to go "crazy" in public in popping the question. You are either going to be embarrassed and humiliated, put the person on the spot and pressure them into maybe responded otherwise, or it works out for everyone...not sure if I could do it.

My marriage proposal was not that extravagant, it was funny and rememberable, but not grandiose. This may explain why I am divorced, I didn't go large enough, and if I am every stupid enough to get married again (I hope I learned my lesson) I guess I have to go bigger next time...

Flying Restrictions

So I just booked a flight to surprise my daughter for her birthday (shhhh, I don't think she reads or follows this blog, but still don't tell). I use one of the many search and purchase sites on the interwebz and they provide great and easy service. This intinerary I will be using two different airlines, but that doesn't matter because they are all the same.

And they are now all out for themselves and have even developed more classes that can be booked for when flying. Used to be just First Class and Cabin, then they added Business Class and called Cabin, Economy. Now they have split Economy into three different levels; Economy, Economy Plus, and Basic Economy. Three different pricing levels and different amenities at each level.

I do not fly First or Business anymore, especially if it is on my dime, there was a time, but not anymore. So I have no idea what is offered for amenities at those levels. 

The three levels and three different prices in the Cabin, have the following as amenities as I understand now...

• Economy Plus- Can have a carry on and personal item, and they supposedly have an inch or two extra leg room, and you get to still choose your seat.
• Economy- Carry on at $25 extra charge and a personal item, no leg room, and you get to chose your seat.
• Basic Economy- No Carry on what so every, even if you pay the extra and a personal item, and you don't get to choose your seat.

Of course in all the cabin, you can pay the checked baggage fees...

I guess customer service in the airlines industry is dead, we are just cattle to be transported.

Colorado-isms Part 2

So last year when I travel west to see my daughter I did a blog about the various quirks I noticed of being in a different region and the people that live there. The following is a continuation and update of that first post.

• I meet a lot of people that live there now, but are not from there originally, including a lot of New Englanders
• I was picked out from not being a local for my vernacular and colloquialisms...use of 'wicked', and few other nor'eastern terms.
• I got to have a rare brew to find that is brewed in CT while I was in Colorado.
• My beard is now long enough to be accepted as a local, I know this because of the eye contact and head nod of approval from other bearded humans.
• I still have not seen any big horned sheep.
• The locals panic when they have no snow.
• The country roads in the mountains are scary, they are twisty and turny, narrow, and have no guard rails.
• My beard likes the climate there better, as I needed less to keep it manageable. 
• Buffalo and elk are delicious.

Until next time...

Friendship

So in the last week or so, in conversation, the concept of "friendship" has come up. Weird, yes.

One of the conversations was that neither of us had a best friend. We have many many friends, but not that "best" friend. Neither of us were concerned about it, and knew there are people we can rely on to help us out if needed, but we don't have that confidant who we need to bounce ideas or share intimate/secret stuff with. After a short discussion we were sure we do not need that confidant.

Another conversation was around that I do not have a girlfriend, even though they thought I did. (I found this really funny, but anyway.) Once again I do not feel as if I need a girlfriend in my life right now (long list of reasons for this, which I will not go into here). After my divorce and the adjustment to being me again, I discovered I like being me. Maybe that is why I don't have a best friend, I like being me (and others can not handle that).

The last conversation revolves around my daughter, and that she does not have a best friend (currently). She has had one or two in the past, but for reasons beyond her control (moves, new school, etc...) distance has put a damper on those relationships. She has friends she hangs out through common interest and/or school, but not that confidant. Being in middle school this can be tough and she does feel she is left out of things because she does not run with any squad (I think that is what they call it now), partly because she is not a follower and does her own thing, and does not care what others think about it. Her mother and I have always instilled this in both of our children, so I guess...but there is nothing wrong in that. Maybe this also why I don't have a best friend...and I have passed this onto my children, so sorry or your welcome, not sure which is correct.

So here is to friendship, whatever that may be...

BTW, I do have many friends that have the same warped twisted sarcastic bent thought structure that I have and many that I have numerous common interests with and I am far from being lonely.

Old School versus New School

Many of my generation, and the generations on either side of me, speak poorly of the kids today. How they have it easy, they don't know what it is like to work hard, everyone gets a trophy, back in the day...blah, blah, blah.

Working with today's youth and having kids myself, I can honestly say we are wrong and wrong on many levels.

I sit and listen to the discussions going on today amongst kids, I do not remember having conversations with my classmates about our ADD, ADHD, OCD, or ODD. Yea, sure they were not diagnosing students a lot back in the day with any of this, but doesn't mean it did exist, just look around at your friends now (I will wait, but not for long, hey look a cat, anyone want to go for coffee?).

Next we bombard our students with multimedia presentations, iPad research, and other electronic gizmos during the day, then preach that they need to cut back on screen time as they are sent home with a couple hours of homework that needs to be submitted electronically via Powerschool, Study Island, or Google Classroom. Is anyone else noticing this or is it just me?

Then we have the cojones to say that students get participation awards and every kids get a prize, etc.... But who is handing out these senseless awards? We are...is anyone else noticing this or is it just me?

Now add in the massive extra-curricular activities we place our kids in, playing chauffeur, from school soccer to rec league to premier league to travel team....don't forget they need to fit in a music or art class and the weekend horse riding lesson, because we want them well balanced. All the while, sitting on the sidelines and telling what needs to be done instead of letting them listen to their coaches and instructors...is anyone else noticing this or is it just me?

Yep they have it easy...is anyone else not noticing this or is it just me?

Addendum: Lets not allow them a choice when they can go to the bathroom or get a drink, but wait until they are 17 and demand they make a decision on where they want to go to school and what they want for a career (and be smart about it, damn it).

Tax Analogy

So, I have seen the meme above done a number of ways, the first several dozen times I thought it was a lousy lesson and was not based in reality. But then I got to thinking and it hit me that there is a very brilliant lesson in this, so here it is...

First of all, no one really pays 30% in taxes, that is just a propaganda point used by the fiscal conservatives, the rich, and corporations to inflame the argument that they need tax relief. But we will leave that alone and talk just about taxation and its purpose.

Yes, eating 30% of your kids ice cream can teach them an in depth lesson of taxation and its purpose, just don't end with the lesson with only losing several bites or licks of ice cream. Tell them where that ice cream is going. That the lose of ice cream went to offset the transport (infrastructure) to the creamery, another part went to protection of getting them to and fro safely (civil law), and still more of that went to providing clean water, air, and the FDA (make sure that ice cream is safe). Still more parts of that taxation went to utilities (need to keep it at the right temperature).

Next, extent the lesson to construct of money, and that you (the government) created and backs the value of the ice cream. Yes, it was awarded to them for something they may have earned (through chores, grades, sports, arts, etc...), but none of that would have been possible without an education and once again that costs ice cream which needs to be collect through taxation.

A truly enjoyable lesson for all, now go buy your kid some ice cream...

Anticipation....

Tomorrow I am off to see my daughter for the holidays, I am excited to travel and get away for a while and super excited to spend time with her and see the adventure she has had and is having since moving west.

I am usually a night before (or day of) packer. This time I have been packed for several days now, even have gone and rechecked and double checked the packing. I was up early so I could check-in on line for boarding passes.

There are several things I am looking forward to besides being with my daughter; the home town of Hunter S. Thompson, the Rocky Mountains, the hot springs and vapor caves, and getting a feel for that area as I still am trying very hard to relocate there.

I nervous of the weather for getting out of CT, as we are getting a short Arctic Vortex with extreme low temps, just hope my car starts at 0 dark thirty. Of course there is the travel which can present snags, but I hope everything runs smooth.

Stay tuned for travel and daughter escapades...

Still More Random Thoughts Vol. 19 2016

I apologize for not posting anything in a while, so here is some random thoughts, ideas, observations, etc...

• I get that students with special needs need to be included with the population of all students in schools. It is great for everyone, but I have noticed that special need students spend about 2/3s of their time being pulled from the regular classroom environment for various interventional help. So how exactly is this including them in mainstream education? And I find this disruptive to the rest of educational environment.
• The beard and HBM survived the No Shave month.
• I am getting anxious to see my daughter for the upcoming holiday, so much so that I have started packing 12 days in advance. Usually I pack the night before any trip.
• I have also discovered that I will be able to tread the floorboards of one of my writing heroes. Woody Creek Tavern.
  

Hopefully I will have more to share soon...

Random Thoughts Vol 17 2016 Edition

It has been a while since I just spit out the dribble that has been bouncing around in my noggin, so without further ado here it is...

• It is that time of year when students start to take practice tests for the upcoming Common Core standardized testing. I sat in classroom the other day and watched the kids conjure up their own anxiety (I am sure this is more parent driven) over the practice test, then later in the day overheard a conversation from the same group of kids about staying up late and trying time and time again to unlock the next achievement in their latest video game, after they got home from their travel sport practice...if they can compete at highly competitive levels of sports and video games, they can handle the stress of a standardized test. IMHO
• No Shave November is still going well from last year...love living bearded and of course still doing the HBM.
• Yesterday (11/16/16) I got a picture from my daughter of her sitting by the pool (hot springs) in Colorado eating dinner in her bathing suit, today (11/17/16) they getting snow.
• Finishing up a project, I am happy with the outcome, and everyone involved is excited to see this phase come to close. They are also satisfied with the end result. Good job me.

Well that is it for now....

I Promise This To You All

I can survive, I am a white heterosexual male, I will survive. I can keep my mouth shut and and nod and smile and laugh when "appropriate" to avoid any confrontation and in any situation. I can easily dress the part, talk the part, have that polish that will allow me to manage in this world. I have always had that advantage, it was given to me upon my birth as an Anglo-saxon with a y chromosome. But that is not who I am.

This is who I am...

I am afraid for my daughter, who is not white and a female. Her world challenge just got a little tougher. Granted she is Asian, which will ease her journey, but the environment we have just decided for her is not a positive one. I am so sorry sweet girl, but Daddy will keep fighting for you.

I am afraid for my son, who is registered in the draft and can be called into service at any time. He is also a recent college grad, who is trying to make his mark in the world. His prospects of solid employment will not improve in the next 4 years (outside of forced military service). He has an empathetic soul and wants to present his art. The dark times ahead will not be good for his dreams and ambitions. I am sorry intelligent son, but Dad will keep fighting for you.

I am afraid for my mother, who dedicated her life to educating others, taught me to care for others, and be kind. She may not have a lot of years left, and those years will now be financially hard. It is currently a struggle to get what she needs on a fixed income, and an underfunded medicare system, this will not improve and will most definitely get worse for her. I am sorry mom, but your son will keep fighting for you.

I am afraid for my friends that have a different skin color, believe in a different religion, practice a different lifestyle. You have just been placed into a very difficult and troubling time. I have always had acute sense that the bigotry, the racism, the sexism, the xenophobia has never really gone away in this country. We have now unleashed this behemoth from the closet, your constitutional rights have just taken the biggest hit of your lives. Everything everyone has worked for is deteriorating right in front of our eyes. I am so sorry, but as your friend I will continue to fight for what is humanly right for everyone.

I PROMISE THIS TO YOU ALL, I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOU.

Potential Nightmare

I am not one to complain about government efficiency, good or bad. The powers are going to operate as they do and there is very little we can do to change that. You can't fight city hall...

With the relocation of my daughter, she had to register for school and some paperwork was missing to get her properly sign in. So I went to get a copy of part of her adoption from the local probate. I gave them the details, including the date of the proceeding, and they could not locate the document I was asking for. After an exhausting 90 minute search the decree was found (under her brother's name), and paying just a mere $10, I was given a certified copy.

We are good right? Well, we need to prevent this from happening again.

So..., I asked about why the state never certified her foreign adoption and that the state said the probate court was the hold up. Once again after a shorter exasperating search we found the cover of the documents, but no accompanying paperwork. Because someone misplaced the necessary documents it was never processed. It should also be noted that the court never notified us that we were missing important parts for this to be completed.

Move ahead one week...while cleaning out a box of papers, I found the original rejection from the state for certifying her foreign birth and adoption. I also read the cover document that I was given and noticed that the box was checked that all appropriate paperwork was filed and it had a stamp received with a date one month or more prior to our hearing. If it was incomplete why would they have moved forward with the hearing?

Back down to the court, point out the issue, along with presentation of state filing. Still need the paperwork that is missing, even though they accepted and have misplaced, and then I can start the process all over again 9 years later and for a low low fee of $225, instead of the previous $45 that was paid the first time...

To be continued...

<In case anyone is wondering why this is important for my daughter, without it she may not be able to get a driver's license, financial aid for college, a marriage license, any professional license for that matter...irony of it all, she has a US Passport and became a US citizen the moment she landed on US territory>

New FDA Rules

On Monday (8/8/16), some of the new Food and Drug Administration regulations came online for cigar and pipe tobaccos. I will not go into the details of it all; one, because it is complex and I do not understand it all and two, it is complex and I don't understand it all.

In a synopsis, the FDA was given the power to regulate tobacco (no longer the ATF. I wonder when the power to regulate guns will be passed on?... Lets not go there right now) by The Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act of 2009. Some are trying to blame President Obama, but he did not co-sponsor this act and as a smoker himself, not sure how personally he was behind the Act. It was passed by Congress 298-112 and 57-43, so it had enough votes to override any veto, so it was cost and time saving for Mr. Obama to just sign and move on. So lets point fingers where they belong, at your representatives...

The thrust of the measure was to prevent children and young adults from smoking. There has been strong regulation in place for awhile on cigarettes and advertising of cigarettes. This new act is aimed more at the vaping and e-cigs, but they threw a tent over the whole issue and included cigars and pipes. The FDA reasoning was manufacturers and retailers were targeting children and adolescence.

I can understand that with vape and e-cigs there are a gazillion different flavors like pina-colada mango bubblegum hazelnut or juicy steak lime popcorn, and the powers are worried that this is 'enticing' to the impressionable ones. There are also may infused gas station smokes in small cigars that maybe a lure to today's youth. As a seasoned cigar and pipe user, I am not sure why any of these flavors are palatable let alone a draw into the smoking world, but OK...so go after the things that are 'appealing' to the demographic you are trying to protect.

I work at a brick and mortar tobacco establishment, have been there almost five years, and I can count on one hand the number of times an obviously under age person has come in looking for high end cigars (we card anyone that looks under 27, even have a sign above the register that says exactly that, so yea we have caught a few that are a few months short of the legal age), that would be nothing, nada, zilch, zero...same with pipes and pipe tobacco. Granted I work in the top shop in my state and carry most of the pricey stuff and children can just not afford what we have to offer...so why regulate this part of the industry where there is not a shred of evidence to support the stiff oversight.

Now here is the real irony, a beautiful candy store located across the street from an open campus high school which carries a plethora of old fashioned candies is still allowed to display and sell candy cigarettes, chocolate cigars, and bubble pipes. This is not the gateway into dangerous habits? Didn't the FDA already have jurisdiction over candy before the Tobacco Act of 2009? Where is the overreach in the candy industry? Let that all sink in...

WARNING: Proceed with Caution

My kids just left with their female parental unit (FPU). Off for a few days in The DC area for the holiday and then onto Colorado. My son will return in about two weeks, but I will not see my daughter until I finish up some business here both professionally and personally, which hopefully will take a little over 5 weeks.

This will be the longest time I have spent away from my daughter since leaving her for a couple weeks and coming home early from her adoption in Viet Nam. I usually get to see her everyday and only go a few days without physical contact if she goes on short vacation with FPU. My son is different as he is older and has gone away and completed college, but I still miss him, even though he is off to start his 'adulthood.'

My usual mode of dealing with loss and sorrow is to get really sarcastic, and be outright mean to anyone and everyone. It is a mechanism that I have had from an early age, maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe it is just natural programming. I do not know. I have not figured out how to avoid this behavior or how to change it. Maybe it can't be avoided.

So with that I apologize for any and every thing I will say until this hardship has passed.

People none of it is personal. And you can be just as whipped tongued back at me...I will not take it personally either.

Hopefully I can find things to keep me occupied and the time passes quickly, and I do not burn too many bridges....

Something Old...but New

Can across my son's blog that he did while traveling to Viet Nam to pick up his younger sister. I have added as a link of bloggers that I follow. Enjoy the trip down my memory lane.

Random Mutterings Vol. 45, Issue 219 "Flakes"

As January 2016 comes to a close, I thought I would put out what is going through this simple mind. So here it is...

• What would it be without a HBM update; the addition of the beard has been interesting. I can blend it in unwaxed for just a bearded look, and it still looks nice waxed and groomed. Grooming has a new twist as I have to pay attention to not wax and groom the adjacent beard into the mix, it feels weird and is a bit restricting.
• The Donald is refusing to participate in a Fox News debate, stating that they will ask unfair questions. This leaves me to think that he will not be able to handle any kind of foreign policy that is associated with tough issues, or any difficult crisis for that matter.
• The psuedo-Patriots that seized federal land in Oregon have been arrested with one being reported shot and killed. So far, I think they have gotten pretty easy treatment. A drone strike would have been easier and cleaner, and it would have sent the right message.
• Speaking of Patriots, they lost in the AFC Championship game. Unfortunately I still have to listen to the fanboy base around me, the issue with this they all believe that professional football came into existence in 2000 with the Kraft/Belichick era. Yet they will be loudest criers about "band wagon" supporters for the Panthers.
• Kids are still doing great, the oldest has just started his final semester in his undergraduate college career, and the youngest is still shining as usual.

Enough for now....

Casual Thoughts

Sorry I have not posted anything in over a month, but while I haven't been busy, the time just seems to fly by....

• The HBM is still going and just made another batch of homemade wax. Also the chin hair is getting long (and gray).
• The kids are back to school, the oldest starts his senior year in college and the younger one is in fourth grade. Where has the time gone?
• This summer has been cooler weather wise then it has in the past, the winter prediction is lots of snow and cold temperatures. Of course the idiots will continue to deny climate change.
• Speaking of idiots, have you seen the presidential race...

Hopefully more is to come...