Parenting 101

When I was younger (high school and college age really) I never thought about being a parent, never had that biological need (want) to have offspring. Skip ahead a few years, and now I have two wonderful children.

Now lets get something straight, I said I never had the "biological need", but it was at this age that I knew that at one point I wanted to adopt. Not sure why, just did. And I have achieved it. Maybe in another post I will think about the reasons (selfish as they probably are) about why I wanted to do this.

Ok, Parenting 101....

This is not going to be a post about how to make the perfect well balanced bagged lunch or what artsy craftsy thing to do with them on a Saturday morning. I am not even going to cover how to help with homework, coach a sport, or teach how to tie shoes. This is about how to have well balanced smart children that people enjoy and want to be around.

The oldest, soon to be 19, is just finishing his sophomore year at Clark in Worcester, he has just settled on a double major (for now) and a minor. He is a gifted writer, and has always been on the precocious side, reading at a very young age, with a thirst for whatever he could find in a good book. He has done well academically and has been recognized for his achievements on the a very high level (nationally). He was a late bloomer in the athletic world, but turned out to be a respectable sportsman.

The younger, is turning 8 in June, and she is in the first grade at a local STEM school. She also has a need for knowledge but in a whole different arena. She likes to see how things work, or don't work. She also does not care about grades and it is starting show (I have no idea where she gets that from). She is also the natural athlete, one of those kids that things just come naturally.

I will say that both of my kids are very coachable, and that they can understand and translate what is told of them during practice onto the field and retain it (they also demonstrate this in the classroom, too). While the little one does not like team sports and is not fond of any sport with a ball. The older one is the consummate team player, putting the whole of the team over individual achievements and accolades.

The one thing that the other parental unit and I get from everyone that knows and interacts with our kids, is how polite they are and that they can carry on a conversation with adults. That they have an empathy for others and are  generally very well behaved (outside of the home). Now with the oldest one, people gravitate towards because of his demeanor and the way that he carries himself, he is a little introverted and does not like to draw attention to himself, but is very "entertaining" when he is comfortable with his audience. The younger one commands a room, now she does not do it in an ostentatious way, demanding to be seen and heard, She is just one of those people that walks into the room and goes about her business and before long everyone is stopping to take notice as if almost intoxicated with her. Both have the chance to be leaders with their individual auras.

Okay, so how do you accomplish this....first of all you speak to and treat your kids like adults, you give them a fair say in what happens in the family (not an equal vote, but an equal voice). You teach them about consequences; natural, punitive, positive and negative, and logical, and then you reinforce these consequences. Next you have to set expectations, keep them reasonable, and they are easier to obtain. T You teach them to finish what they start, no matter what. Don't OVER indulge them with possessions, activities and what not. Trust them. And the most important one of them all...LISTEN. They will tell you what they honestly need from you.

Everything else like love and attention, food, shelter, and education goes without saying.....