I Am Not That Smart

I was recently told, that just because I have a education that I think I am smarter than everyone else...WRONG!

I know that I not smarter than anyone else, but I am educated.

Let me explain...

My educational background is in engineering and the sciences. That academia has taught me to use inquiry, to do my own research, observe, to critically think, to conclude based on evidence and facts, the use of logic (not philosophical, but more binary based...yes/no, on/off, true/false), test limits and thresholds, to understand failure, adapt, and except criticism (this is the hardest one). This indoctrination has maybe made me sound dogmatic, but that is also wrong.

There are many that do not have an education that are way smarter than me. I have very little musical talent (or any kind of talent for that matter), I struggle with the English language and have never really been able to learn any other language outside a few simple phrases. During my formative years I struggled with many subjects in school and had times staying focused on the task at hand (still do) maybe I was ADD or ADHD? I was labeled dyslexic, because I flipped letters in words (dysgraphia), struggled with recognizing letter sounds, and decoding words. I still struggle with spelling to this day and have learned how to manage that some what. But I have other abilities that some do not, like the ability to visualize things in 3D (while studying chemical engineering my classmates used models to build compounds to help them isomerisms, I just closed my eyes and was able to see if they were cis or trans, and which way the rotated). At the same time I can not watch 3D movies without getting nauseous.

My education also fuels my sarcasm, my sardonic approach, and my cynicism, and this also contributes to my haughtiness. I try to have patience for those that do not process things quickly, but that is not always possible and rarely happens. My education also gets in the way of things, like the acceptance of religion, blind faith, psychology, symbolism, and libertarianism (oops, there is that sardonicism).

So no I am not nor do I think I am smarter than anyone else...

Independence Day

I would like to take this moment to give thanks to those that have done nothing for this country. To the people that have not served in the military, who complain about government, the society around them and have taken advantage of it all but have given nothing back. To those that have the support the troops bumper stickers, given to wounded warrior, or a petty tithe to their church on Sunday.

Your leader in the WH, is a prime example of this set. Draft dodger, tax evader, whoremonger, taker. Now destroying a country that he has done nothing for but has taken advantage of his entire life. His disciples worship his lifestyle and are blind to his evil ways. Even if slightly aware are quick to forgive or turn a cheek.

With this, our society has been corrupted to brink of no return, with alt-right gaining a foothold in spreading hate, with the treatment of innocent children coming to this country, with the setback of women's rights, the evangelism of the Supreme Court. It will take many many years, even decades, to undo the damage done by this man, his administration, and his supporters.

And for what end? That I do not have an answer. Personal gain for a select few, with an empty promise to so many for their allegiance. Many a despot has done this and it is now happening here, but we have learned nothing from previous similar situations.

Happy Independence Day

Exit Plan?

So as I get ready to end my CT chapter and start a new one in CO, I am starting to think about what I want to do before I leave.

After much consideration, it is not really doing anything in the state but more about foods. I am aware that there is no good pizza or bagels in Colorado (both from visiting and conversations with The Maeve), both of those are easily taken care of in getting my last few tastes of these two CT delectable treats. The other that keeps coming to my mind is seafood, I know with today's globalization, that seafood is available in CO but it comes with a heavier burden on the wallet. 

As I think about the various seafoods I enjoy (which is just about everything that comes out of the ocean that is edible), most fish ships well, as with lobster and other crustaceans.  I think that the toughest find in CO will be a really fresh raw oyster (Crassosterea Virginicas). 

I have been fortunate to have been exposed to oysters right off the boat from Norm Bloom and the Copps Island area in Norwalk. There is nothing like getting a bushel of them handed to you as a gift for some work done and eating them within 90 minutes from boat to mouth. 

I also am related the Talmadge family which had oystered the LI sound for decades, so I had been introduced and loved oysters for as long as I can remember. 

So I guess an outing or two enjoying some fresh oysters before departing is what I want to do, so who is in? 

Blue points, Ninigret, Pemaquid, Point Judith, Mystics?

BTW, they pair really well with scotch and/or bourbon.

The Couch (Part II)

So I have now done two more session in my conquest to get myself back to a "normal" baseline in my own head. That is twice as many sessions with this counselor as with the first one.

First session with this counselor was basically a repeat of the first visit, a rehashing of everything and I guess that was to be expected. They seem nice, a little bit more clinical than the first one and more of what I stereotypically expected this was going to be.

Second session, cancelled as I pull into the parking lot...

Third session, delving into more of what is throwing me out of alignment. More sharing and how I attempt to manifest it all (which I guess I am doing it all wrong as I am just avoiding the issues instead of confronting them, but really just want them to go away so why would I confront them?). As we talk about "the plan", I mention that I will be leaving for Colorado soon and how will this "plan" work with all that. They look at me and ask that I am not here for medication...I said no. More talking about the plan, but no real solutions yet.

Now thinking back to that question about being there for the medication...WHAT THE FUCK?

Is this what it is all about? Is this what our civilization has developed into? "Better" living through chemistry? And what medication? I currently do not qualify for a medical marijuana card in the State of CT. So what medication?

Also, do I want an RX written by someone with a MSW? I personally have more education than they do, and my education is actually in science and engineering.

Lastly, do I want to wake around snowed all the time? Do I want to be on something that is going to destroy my liver enzymes and eventually my liver? Will this actually solve anything or just cover up symptoms?

This maybe continued...

The Couch

So how fucked up do you have to be to have your therapist cancel twice and then quit altogether on you?

I was hesitant to go in the first place, and now this is not really helping after just one visit. This was supposed to help with the stress, not add to it, or at least that is what I thought how it was supposed to work.

My reticence about going in the first place was, that I would share what was or what I believe was creating the stress (we will talk about this word in a minute) and they would tell me of course anyone with that going on will be anxious. In other words, "normal" (whatever that is) and there was nothing wrong (you are not crazy). BTW, I was correct and that was what was conveyed during the first and only visit so far, but at the same time they said that I need to work on "me." So another appointment was set up, along with a weeks worth of homework.

Homework completed (yep I am that guy). Appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, notified that counselor no longer can see me.

I liked the person I was seeing, I felt we had connected. I shared, we talked, I asked questions (a...lot...of...questions), they answered. I liked most of their responses. It was pointed out that I would be a challenge because they thought I was very intelligent and that I approached everything from a logical point of view and expected outcomes and answers every time. I told them my academia background is in science and engineering. That is when they mentioned that I used the word "stress" a lot and while used as a layman's term in psychology, it was more of an engineering term (I am still going to use the term stress, no matter what).

The thing I liked from my session on the couch (actually a chair and not all that comfortable) was I was there for "mental health" not because I was mentally sick, just that I needed to get my brain in a more positive place and reduce the physical effects of the stress.

So I guess I am scheduled to start anew with another therapist, we will see if I can defeat this one.

<I found writing this post therapeutic>

That is very christian of you

"That is very christian of you."

That was what was told me after I helped someone that I had no relationship with, and then it struck me, what a bigoted racist ignorant thing to say.

Only christians help other people? Are you fucking kidding me?

No, it was the human thing to do. It had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with religion, yours or anyone else's. People should just care about each other

Making a statement like that just demonstrates your ingrained ignorance and bias toward others that do not share your secular beliefs.

When you make a statement like that, you are saying anyone that is not a christian has no compassion, no humanity toward anyone else. Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheists, whatever can not do anything for their fellow humans...I call bullshit!

The longer I remain on this planet, the more I become aware that christians are the most hypocritical people on the face of earth. History will inform us easily that christians have been responsible for more deaths on this orb than any other group. 

Please do not tell me that is christian of me, I am much better than that. I have far more empathy, compassion, caring, and humanity. Don't lump me into that sect. Thankfully I am agnostic.

And to those that think I am segregating out the christians and being "biased" against them, I am just speaking the truth...so I forgive you.

  

New MacBook

I have been a Mac products user since just after the inception in 1984 (Apple started earlier than that, but Mac was launched in 1984 during the SuperBowl). I have had a few machines from an Apple SE, LC 475, iMac, MacBook, and now a MacBook Air. Also have bought a number of smaller Apple products like iPhones, iPods, and iPads.

While they are more expensive and elitist than the rest of the computing world, the quality of their products are second to none. They have been dropped, coffee soaked, hard disk crashed, and more. But all have been resurrected and continued on.

I got my MacBook in late 2009. Great machine and has gone through a lot. Three hard drives, a coffee incident, many OS transformations, and a few RAM upgrades.  Still an excellent running device, but the outer plastic shell has started to crumble and it has become fragile.

After some deep soul searching and many hours of research, both about the product and with my finances, I decided to purchase a newer refurbished laptop. With my past history with Mac products I am confident that this gently used and loved machine will bring a number of good years of work and enjoyment.