The Couch (Part II)

So I have now done two more session in my conquest to get myself back to a "normal" baseline in my own head. That is twice as many sessions with this counselor as with the first one.

First session with this counselor was basically a repeat of the first visit, a rehashing of everything and I guess that was to be expected. They seem nice, a little bit more clinical than the first one and more of what I stereotypically expected this was going to be.

Second session, cancelled as I pull into the parking lot...

Third session, delving into more of what is throwing me out of alignment. More sharing and how I attempt to manifest it all (which I guess I am doing it all wrong as I am just avoiding the issues instead of confronting them, but really just want them to go away so why would I confront them?). As we talk about "the plan", I mention that I will be leaving for Colorado soon and how will this "plan" work with all that. They look at me and ask that I am not here for medication...I said no. More talking about the plan, but no real solutions yet.

Now thinking back to that question about being there for the medication...WHAT THE FUCK?

Is this what it is all about? Is this what our civilization has developed into? "Better" living through chemistry? And what medication? I currently do not qualify for a medical marijuana card in the State of CT. So what medication?

Also, do I want an RX written by someone with a MSW? I personally have more education than they do, and my education is actually in science and engineering.

Lastly, do I want to wake around snowed all the time? Do I want to be on something that is going to destroy my liver enzymes and eventually my liver? Will this actually solve anything or just cover up symptoms?

This maybe continued...

The Couch

So how fucked up do you have to be to have your therapist cancel twice and then quit altogether on you?

I was hesitant to go in the first place, and now this is not really helping after just one visit. This was supposed to help with the stress, not add to it, or at least that is what I thought how it was supposed to work.

My reticence about going in the first place was, that I would share what was or what I believe was creating the stress (we will talk about this word in a minute) and they would tell me of course anyone with that going on will be anxious. In other words, "normal" (whatever that is) and there was nothing wrong (you are not crazy). BTW, I was correct and that was what was conveyed during the first and only visit so far, but at the same time they said that I need to work on "me." So another appointment was set up, along with a weeks worth of homework.

Homework completed (yep I am that guy). Appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, appointment cancelled. Appointment rescheduled, notified that counselor no longer can see me.

I liked the person I was seeing, I felt we had connected. I shared, we talked, I asked questions (a...lot...of...questions), they answered. I liked most of their responses. It was pointed out that I would be a challenge because they thought I was very intelligent and that I approached everything from a logical point of view and expected outcomes and answers every time. I told them my academia background is in science and engineering. That is when they mentioned that I used the word "stress" a lot and while used as a layman's term in psychology, it was more of an engineering term (I am still going to use the term stress, no matter what).

The thing I liked from my session on the couch (actually a chair and not all that comfortable) was I was there for "mental health" not because I was mentally sick, just that I needed to get my brain in a more positive place and reduce the physical effects of the stress.

So I guess I am scheduled to start anew with another therapist, we will see if I can defeat this one.

<I found writing this post therapeutic>

That is very christian of you

"That is very christian of you."

That was what was told me after I helped someone that I had no relationship with, and then it struck me, what a bigoted racist ignorant thing to say.

Only christians help other people? Are you fucking kidding me?

No, it was the human thing to do. It had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with religion, yours or anyone else's. People should just care about each other

Making a statement like that just demonstrates your ingrained ignorance and bias toward others that do not share your secular beliefs.

When you make a statement like that, you are saying anyone that is not a christian has no compassion, no humanity toward anyone else. Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheists, whatever can not do anything for their fellow humans...I call bullshit!

The longer I remain on this planet, the more I become aware that christians are the most hypocritical people on the face of earth. History will inform us easily that christians have been responsible for more deaths on this orb than any other group. 

Please do not tell me that is christian of me, I am much better than that. I have far more empathy, compassion, caring, and humanity. Don't lump me into that sect. Thankfully I am agnostic.

And to those that think I am segregating out the christians and being "biased" against them, I am just speaking the truth...so I forgive you.

  

New MacBook

I have been a Mac products user since just after the inception in 1984 (Apple started earlier than that, but Mac was launched in 1984 during the SuperBowl). I have had a few machines from an Apple SE, LC 475, iMac, MacBook, and now a MacBook Air. Also have bought a number of smaller Apple products like iPhones, iPods, and iPads.

While they are more expensive and elitist than the rest of the computing world, the quality of their products are second to none. They have been dropped, coffee soaked, hard disk crashed, and more. But all have been resurrected and continued on.

I got my MacBook in late 2009. Great machine and has gone through a lot. Three hard drives, a coffee incident, many OS transformations, and a few RAM upgrades.  Still an excellent running device, but the outer plastic shell has started to crumble and it has become fragile.

After some deep soul searching and many hours of research, both about the product and with my finances, I decided to purchase a newer refurbished laptop. With my past history with Mac products I am confident that this gently used and loved machine will bring a number of good years of work and enjoyment.

Immaculate Gestation

This year the immaculate conception will be celebrated on December 8th, in honor of god knocking up the virgin Mary and 16 short days later Jesus was born in the manger. One of a gods' major miracles, but what poor Mary had to go through in just 16 days...regular human gestation normally takes 280 days.

You know what has a gestation period of about 16 days?

Hamsters.

This is my daughter's hamster, Snowball, who passed away last Christmas day

I can not imagine the fatigue, swelling, cramping, nausea, bloating, food aversions and/or cravings, headaches, constipation, and mood swings that happened to Mary in just 16 days...Oh wait, least we forget the baby kicking, pressure on the bladder and other internal organs, flatulence, and back pain. All progressing in a little over two weeks.

Add this on top of being a virgin, and married to a guy, but you haven't consummated the relationship as directed by the good book.

And if this was all an act of a god, why all the obstacles, of having to travel and look for a place and ending up in a stable?

This just boggles my scientific analytical mind...enjoy the season people and keeping thinking and questioning...

#MAGA? F*ck No

So in the last couple of weeks we have had a recall on lettuce that was making people sick, now we have a recall of 5-12 million pounds of ground beef.

How is this happening?

It comes back to the party of no and so-called "fiscal responsibility" and their budget which cut 16% of the USDA budget (from $22.7B to $18B), who needs their food inspected, this just constricts the free market. Now we need to shut down the government to build a wall and government workers will not get a raise because of an "economic crisis."

The food we eat is not getting inspected properly and also all the workers that are willing to work in food production are being deported out of the country because they are scaring the white folks. This is being caused by the massive tax cuts and now the need to slash spending in the budget. And do those cuts come from the over inflated military budget? Fuck no. They come out of the smaller line items like the FDA and USDA, you know the ones help everyday people like you and me. Next, kill EPA clean water bills that protect waters used to irrigate crops and watering livestock.

We just had mid-term elections and were people intelligent enough to vote out this evil cretins, working only for their wallets? Fuck no. Keep believing that it will all trickle down, that everyone can achieve the "American Dream," that immigrants are coming to rob and rape you, take your jobs, steal your tax money...

You don't need healthcare and safety net if you die from food poisoning....Bon appetite!

Kavanaugh-Not Worthy

It has been a while since I have written anything in my blog, but with so much at stake with the US and that are failing as leaders, I thought I should post.

I have many friends that have voiced that they believe that Brett Kavanaugh is being railroaded out of his chance of holding a seat on the bench of the highest court in the land. That some kind of major rouse is being played out by the other side of the aisle to frame the man and smear his 'good' name.

Really?
More deep state conspiracy stuff?
Come on now...

Even if the Democrats are trying to prevent his appointment onto the Supreme Court with 'fake' assault stories, and tales of high school and college debauchery, the best outcome of all this, is that the man does not have the temperament and the even keel thinking to make fair judgement in anything. Well played, well... played...

His unstable reaction, his lack of cognitive awareness and understanding, and explosive demeanor should automatically DQ him from moving forward. Kavanaugh has proven himself truly not worthy to hold this position and probably should be removed from his current appellate seat.

The man does not even stick to his own stated values, let alone anyone else's moral code. His appointment would undermine decades of equal/civil rights advancement, women's rights, and justice for anyone that is less fortunate in this world.

We need to find someone with decency and fairness, but what do I know....